Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
