the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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