Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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