We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
