I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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