pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
