yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
