it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
