Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
