he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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