I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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