What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
