I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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