I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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