So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
