I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
