My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
