it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
