all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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