i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm getting married
To pizza
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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