she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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