I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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