Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
