her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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