I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
