Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
