i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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