We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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