I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
