Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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