I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
