Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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