i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
