his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
