i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
