did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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