I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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