So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
