just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
