i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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