If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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