my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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