Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sext me about skeletons
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
