I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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