Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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