Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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