I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it's like iHOP with fire
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
