I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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