You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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