He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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