They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
