shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
