someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
