Got a toothbrush?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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