Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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