Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
