i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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