i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
