Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
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I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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