Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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