I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
