dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
