the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
