I didn't shave. On purpose
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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