Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
