what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
