he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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