I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
