It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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