I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
