I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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