direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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