i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
