I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
